One in three households in the UK owns a Wii, according to the mathematical theorising of Nintendo. The company compared their sales figures with census data and concluded that out of 24.9 million households in the Great Island Nation of the Britain Folk, one-third had bought Wiis. That means they have sold roughly 8.3 million of the consoles, if my Windows calculator is doing well at maths.
Now, this doesn’t necessarily work out. Some households may have multiple Wiis, for instance. Or some households may have been, er, overlooked. Even Census data isn’t 100% accurate. There is no way to check this figure, short of dossing round to everyone’s house and asking to have a go on Raving Rabbids.
Nevertheless it is a coy way of Nintendo showing off how well they have done (as if we don’t already know).
Oh, but they won’t be satisfied, will they? Another tsunami of advertising is on its way to push Nintendo products to the abstaining two-thirds of the country. Including those TV ads with vaguely recognisable celebrities bouncing around on couches having fun. Do not be fooled, dear reader! They are not having any fun at all. Nintendo have devised a cunning ruse, you see. They are, in fact, pretending to have fun. Conspiracy of the highest order. Shhh. When I’m assassinated, you’ll see.
Yes. Ant and/or Dec, That Redknapp Lot and Sir Terry “Christ I’m Annoying” Wogan will all be making an appearance on your televisual unit. There’s no escape. On top of that, a lot of people with the Ex-Factor will be popping up. Alexandra Burke will pop up. JLS will pop up. Oh, heavens. Jedward will pop-up. It will be like playing a game of whack-a-mole with your TV remote. It may be more horrifying. Possibly a lot of psychological ramifications. A lot of people rage-quitting their dinner in disgust.
But don’t worry, dear reader. Because this woman will also appear.
That’s right. Oscar winning Dame Helen Mirren will be representing Wii Fit Plus. If there is anyone you can trust, it is the Lady that played Her Majesty. The Dame has been talking about how she keeps herself in shape between film shoots, according to Nintendo’s PR lot.
“The Wii is fun,” (they said) she said “And it’s infinitely varied. You can hula, jog, yoga, step, all in one session. It challenges you, and you do it at home, so nobody need see you in those old yoga pants and torn t shirt. It’s my new best friend.”