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Vitas Biggest Crimes

August 11th, 2014 by



Order, order in the court! The Vita has a great catalogue of games but it has been overlooked by some great studios. Several titles that exist already would be perfectly at home on the Sony handheld device but are blatantly AWOL.


I have compiled an inventory of the greatest offenders in my own humble opinion. Now some of these titles were not ported due to exclusivity rights but in my eyes this makes them no less of an offense. Some may also be because they are F2P games and are not willing to cut Sony off a slice of any profits made (or Sony are asking too much). If I was a judge (and I am for the purpose of this article) they’d all be hog tied, pistol whipped and receive a suitable punishment for their criminal behavior.

Court is now in session “all rise for the honorable Judge gogul1 – who expects this case to be completed by 3pm as he has a golf game and fine port tasting at 4pm”.

Bravely Default

A 3DS exclusive, the art style would look amazing on the original Vita’s OLED screen. The flexibility in changing the games JRPG core mechanics to suit your mood (speeding up grinding battles, turning off random fights on the open map and an amazingly deep job system) makes this a modern and refreshing new game to cater to traditional RPG fans that are a tad fatigued by the old ways.


Punishment: No punishment would be enough for this being missing from my beloved portable but a life sentence in the shittiest prison I can think of would suffice. That’s right – the Big Brother House.

Resident Evil Revelations

The reason I bought a 3DS was to play this bad boy. Heck I even bought a circle pad pro to play this, that transformed my slim 3DSXL into a lumpy monstrous beast. To add insult to injury – Capcom then announced a HD version for consoles and released it on PC, Xbox 360 and PS3, bypassing the Vita entirely! The cheek of it all. It was already on a portable device for pity’s sake.


Punishment: I believe Capcom have suffered enough after releasing Resident Evil 6 to a critical panning. But that’s what you get. In the voice of Jesse from Breaking Bad “Karma Bitch!”

Dead Trigger or 2

Probably my favourite shooter on my Iphone and Nvidia Shield. Its small bite-sized levels, large amount of diverse weaponry, responsive controls and satisfying zombie splattering makes this a fun little time killer. It suffers like most F2P games by slow progression (unless you pay) which is a tad disappointing but the grind is still a blast, and the sequel brought in enough variety to keep you coming back for more. I suspect the fact that DT2 requires a constant connection to the internet makes it difficult for them to port to a mostly WIFI only device but a Dead Trigger Vita game, designed specifically for the console would make it a fantastic addition to a catalogue that’s severely lacking in the first person blasting department.


Punishment: 3 months’ work experience in Primark.

Final Fantasy XII HD

Ok so they only just released X and X2 but still a shame it’s not here yet. Will it be released? Never say never considering that X did very well it’s not unbelievable. But as it took so long for the HD collection to arrive in the west it may be years before we see the PS2 classic on these shores, if at all.


Punishment: Go sit on the naughty step for 30 minutes and think about what you did.

Real Racing 3

Given the lack of Gran Turismo on the Vita (not counting the PSP original) I don’t see why Firemint are not willing to release a version of their great game here. Its F2P model is actually very fair and the graphics really do push mobile gaming far beyond what you think they can do.


Punishment: getting bitten by Luis Suarez

Knights of the Old Republic 1 & 2

Already available on the Iphone these classic Star Wars RPG’s are one of the highlights from the original Xbox generation. The port of the First one is great and with games like FFX and Persona 4 proving that some PS2 generation games are superb handheld titles, it could breathe new life into modern technology.


Punishment: 100 press ups and 3 “hail mary” prayers.

Nova 3

Gameloft’s rip off of Crysis/Halo was actually surprisingly good on mobile phones. The level design was great, enemies were varied and the graphics were of a rather high standard. It was not even close to original but it was competent. Gameloft had tried to port games like Dungeon Hunter and Asphalt when the console first launched but as they were poorly received, they decided to walk away. That’s a shame as I believe they chose the wrong IP’s to port and should have come out and filled the Vita with low priced FPS titles. The twin sticks were screaming for some shooting action and until Sony decided to bite the bullet and bring Killzone out, the Vita was severely lacking a competent first person experience.


Punishment: watch all episodes of The Only Way is Essex back to back… No wait, that’s too harsh. Chemical Castration it is then!

Modern Combat

Big, triple AAA shooters are mostly a dud on the PSP successor. Apart from Killzone they have all been critically panned. However, if Gameloft brought out their Modern Combat franchise at a reasonable price it could hardly be criticized as the games are actually great for their price range. For just a few pounds they could satisfy most gun nuts with their Call Of Duty clone. Heck, considering the Black Ops Declassified title that was released on Vita is still priced in the “criminally expensive category (and is unbelievably shit) it could pretty much blow it out of the PSN store by being priced at around £6-7. I’d gladly pay that for a reasonable shooter.


Punishment: Being tied down to his bunk and repeatedly hit with soaps in socks by his squad mates.

Dungeon Hunter 4

I’m going to go ahead and say this will never happen, mostly due to DH Alliance bombing hard on Vita. However, DH4 was a fairly respectable looking title on mobile phones and tablets. Simplistic it may be but there aren’t a massive amount of great top down action RPG titles and by other title standards this one doesn’t suck.


Punishment: Play Asphalt Injection over and over again until they puke blood – which shouldn’t take long.

Dead Space

Dead Space Mobile looked the business. Sadly EA added an IAP system that defecated on the survival horror theme by allowing people to buy their way out of trouble. But the foundations were solid gold. The atmosphere was there, the monsters were there, and the graphics were most definitely there. It’s not hard to believe they couldn’t work on a Dead Space title specifically for the Vita and the fact we don’t have it is neglect in my eyes. EA should be ashamed…


Punishment: Dead Space specific – Big needle to the eye!

GTA3 series

Mobile gamers have GTA 3, Vice City and San Andreas to play. Vita fans have to keep playing old PSP titles to get their criminal underworld kicks. The fact Vita fans are not committing multiple crimes… is a crime. Pure and simple. Rockstar needs to port these titles over now.

gta 3

Punishment: They have to try and get past their own Rockstar Social Club DRM on PC to play Max Payne 3 or GTA4. Trust me they’ll slit their own wrists when they realize what a joke it is. Problem solved.

Max Payne Mobile

A PS2 classic that cries out for a great modern console to be played on. Vita IS that console. Trust me virtual controls are no substitute for twin sticks and Sony’s portable should be the weapon of choice for all shooters.


Punishment: None needed as they are still trying to get round their DRM on Steam for the GTA offences.


It’s on iPad. I don’t care how Blizzard do it, but it needs to be on Vita. A great card game that would pop on the beautiful HD screen of Vita. Touch screen controls would be still be a valid choice too. The screen is small but if anyone can do it Blizzard can.


Punishment: No punishment as I want them to like me and port Hearthstone over. Pretty pleeeeease!

Assault Android Cactus

Currently, apart from Super Stardust HD there aren’t many great twin stick shooters on the only handheld console that can handle them. AAC is a fantastic twin stick shooter that’s challenging as well as amazing fun. Level design, character animations, art design and challenging bosses really make this a classic in the making. Rumour has it a PS4/Vita version is in the works but with a 3 person team at the helm it may take a while.


Punishment: They have a stay of execution until a release date is confirmed.

Diablo 3

Ok so this really is pie in the sky stuff. It will never happen but it would be great if Blizzard made a Diablo game for Vita. It would obviously be much smaller but these guys would make it work. Imagine that eh? Diablo on Vita and England winning the world cup. All such wonderful, unobtainable dreams.


Punishment: They have to play Dungeon Hunter Alliance.

Half Life 2

It was ported to Nvidia Shield recently so it is possible. However the port isn’t as amazing as you’d think with constant loading screens (even during the levels) and mild framerate issues. However none are game breaking and like Borderlands 2, is worth the sacrifice. This was one of the best shooters EVER and shouldn’t be forgotten so a great way of ensuring its legacy should be ported to as many different devices as possible.


Punishment: Watch any Nicolas Cage movie from the last 5 years.

Portal 1 & 2

The original Portal was, wait for it, PORTALED over to the Nvidia Shield recently (get it?) This is a game series that cries out for a bigger audience and not only should it be on Vita but as many devices as possible. Now that I know it’s possible it kills me to think it will never happen. Get on it Valve.


Punishment: Get stuck in an elevator with Adrian Chiles for 3 hours.

Fire Emblem Awakening

3DS has a few RPG’s that really deserve a bigger audience. This strategy RPG is critically hailed as one of the best ever on any console. It’s this sort of quality that shouldn’t be held back by exclusivity deals. More people should be playing them whether it be on PC, home console, mobile console or phone.


Punishment: They have to play nothing but Nintendo DS and Wii shovelware titles for a month.

Monster Hunter 4

This is the IP that sold millions of PSP’s in Japan. The fact that it’s missing on Vita really damaged its sales potential. It’s boosted Wii U and 3DS which is great for Nintendo but left a hole on Sony’s flagship portable that hasn’t been filled since. I’m not a huge fan of the franchise myself but there’s no denying it captured the imagination of Japan and even games like Soul Sacrifice haven’t been able to pull the numbers that MH could.


Punishment: oral sex with Janet Street Porter.


Coming soon to iOS, this is what Vita was really made for. An amazing story, great mechanics and oozing with dark noir style makes this a great game to lose yourself in whilst out and about. Sadly its been relegated to touch control hell and that is the biggest crime of all!


Punishment: To watch the entire film works of Uwe Boll… whilst having their mouth taped so they can’t spit out the inevitable vomit.

So do you agree with Judge Gogul1 or should he be barred pending further investigation? Let us know what titles you feel should be ported across to Sonys increasingly forgotten handheld

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3 Responses to “Vitas Biggest Crimes”
  1. avatar Games247 says:

    Interesting read but I would have found it more beneficial to cover what the system has rather than picking titles that are not available. A platform lives and dies by its exclusives, so they effectively define if a system is right for you. I have a Vita, alongside a 3DS, PS3 and Xbox 360 (not jumped on a PS4 or Xbox One yet, due to the lack of a killer app for me) and so far this has allowed me to cover the bases.

    I enjoy my Vita, PS Plus has been a keen contributor to this, its far from perfect but it does a stand-up job of keeping me entertained. Nintendo remain the kings of mobile gaming for me with IOS/Android games closing the gap all the time but there is room for a Vita in my rucksack beside my iPad and 3DS on a daily basis, keeping my options open.

  2. avatar gogul1 says:

    Don’t worry a follow up article is on the way about Vita’s achievements too.
    Also… Assault Androind Cactus was announced a day later so they have now been cleared of all charges.

  3. avatar stubb502 says:

    Vita is suffering with lack of game support for sure, but lack of apps is not helping. Where is Netflix or a e reader app?

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