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A Street Cleaners Life for Me

September 11th, 2011 by

All this travelling around and trying new jobs is good for the soul. I feel a new sense of drive and purpose – although there may be other reason for that, which I’ll get to shortly.

This job was the complete opposite of the truck driving I did last time. Well, not complete opposite, I guess; I’m still driving a land vehicle, just a much smaller one, that travels at 5MPH, and I’m producing cleaners streets. Yep, that’s right; today I became a street cleaner. But alas, it was a job that destiny sort to shorten, because on my way to this job I ran over and killed a pedestrian.

It was early in the morning as I leisurely drove to this middle-of-no-where town to kick start a my mate’s new business as a street cleaner. He intended to follow me a week later after I’d got things started. I rang him a few minutes ago to tell him he better get here sooner rather than later because I’m leaving town. During this leisurely drive this morning, a man just strolled out in front of my car and I clipped him. I breaked hard and stopped then reversed to see how he was when I clipped him again with my rear tire…over his head. The second blow probably killed him.

I panicked, of course I did. I just killed a person not from running over him once, but twice. There was no way the police were going to see to innocent side of all that. So I had no choice. In the truck Mr Squashed Face goes. Unfortunately the road was full of blood, “this needs cleaning up, fast!” I thought.

I rushed to the yard where the shiny new street cleaning vehicle was waiting, figured out how to use it – which was even more unintuitive than I thought it would be – then trundled off down the road to clean up my mess.

Say hello to my yard.

It took a fair amount of work but I cleaned up every drop and made my way back to the yard, intent on dumping the body somewhere then getting the hell out of this town. My luck, however, was completely out this morning. Not only was the sun rising fast, eliminating any cover I had, but the Mayor was aware of my arrival because some ‘good’ citizen spotted my street cleaning vehicle and reported it to him. When I got back to the yard a nice welcoming email was awaiting me with my first job of the town on it.

Well I couldn’t just leave now they knew I was here, It would look suspicious. I decided to wait until night fell again, which meant doing what jobs came up during the day. So I fuelled up the street cleaner, dumped the dirt and bloody water, before heading off to the road to clean up the dirty drainage sides for this first job.

The first street cleaning job. First after the crime scene clean-up that is.

Holding up traffic is the only perk of this job.

Boy was that road side dirty! It took hours of slowly travelling up and down that stretch of road to clean it all. Part of me was glad I was leaving tonight; this job is clearly not for me, it’s too slow-paced and dull. Unfortunately it wasn’t the only job I had to do that day. When I got back from that job, job number two was waiting for me as an email. Another street needed a good clean, one of the main roads, and it covered a huge area. On the plus side I got paid a fair bit for the first job, and only half needed to stay in the business for my mate, the other half was mine.

So off I went to do this second job, and there was dirt every where all along this massive road. Hours and hours passed as I slowly cleaned but on the plus side the sun was well and truly set by the time I finished. I drove back to the yard, emailed back that the job was complete, and watched my bank balance grow some more.

The second cleaning job. Just look at all that dirt.

Now it’s time to leave this town before they notice one of their citizens is missing. Luckily another mate of mine has a construction and demolition company far, far away from this town. So not only will I find work up there, but also a hole and some concrete to bury Mr Squashed Face in.

If this is my last journal entry before I’m caught, whoever finds this please do me a favour. Find an attractive girl I tell her I loved her – any attractive girl will do.

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One Response to “A Street Cleaners Life for Me”
  1. avatar antman says:

    Awesome sauce Mr Giddens.
    You know what they say, never trust a man who cleans streets.
    I don’t know why but this sort of game really appeals to me. As the game design brief is so specific, it just can’t handle when you stray outside the lines and often hilarity ensues.
    I was involved in a most unfortunate accident in Tree Cutting Simulator, apparently it isn’t the done thing to clamp onto the AI wood collecting truck with a JCB claw and tow it into a river.

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