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A Farmers Life for Me Episode 4

January 15th, 2011 by

It would seem those hallucinations from last time were caused by more than just over tiredness. Flu hit me hard, putting me out of commission for some time. This explains my absence in diary entries and the lack of money coming in on the farm. It’s fitting I guess that I learn the most valuable lesson on my last week of working the farmers life, a farm always requires man power to function, machinery can only do so much on its own. It’s a self-employed job, an enterprise that sickness can cripple and I’ve seen this happen for myself.

So the farm took a bit of a hit regarding income; the crops stayed healthy though so through hiring help or mounting the harvester myself on occasion, I soon cleared the crops ready for selling and the fields ready for reseeding. As for the herd – well, Pia and Zenzi that is – they seem to be doing fine, I guess the grass gave them food enough to survive, mind you Zenzi looks different somehow, well holy shit she’s changed colour, the evil work of the mystical scarecrow no doubt.

She was brown before, I swear.

WTF? Now they’re both brown, all I did was blink.

AHHHH! Now one’s black and the other is brown.

A third blink returned Pia and Zenzi to their black colours; damn flu is still making me hallucinate.

I’m using my fancy machines to do the majority of the work now, their speed and load baring abilities are gifts to me, making quick…well quicker work of the horrendous mountain of work I need to get through. So it’s hard work as usual with fits of coughing hindering my speed.

It’s getting a bit repetitive now, all this sowing, harvesting and selling. It’s a circle of chores, continuous, never ending. Sure I can buy a few new machines along the way to speed up work and there’s variety to be found in what crops I cultivate, messing around with hay and the herd, but ultimately the goal is to make money and before long I’ll have the most expensive machines, a vast herd, and an ever fattening wallet of cash; perhaps I can retire after all this. Mind you, it take time and hard work still to get to that point, and the repetition of it all may cause my untimely demise before the money really grows, that or this flu might still kill me, or the scarecrow.

It was inevitable that the excitement of something different and new would fade, that’s not to say farming is getting dull, there’s lots to do still it’s just I’m more aware of the time of day, counting down to bed time. Of course making your own fun out of all this is part of the charm of living this life and so after naming my hired help, partly from boredom but mostly from crippling loneliness, I setup my own challenges to keep myself amused.

I raced Bob to see which one of us could harvest their half of a field faster. It was a close race in the end; I’d forgotten how difficult turning was and messed up my angles a few times, but even with a head start poor Bob could not best me. We used the old machines for the race; it seemed fairer considering the speed of The Beast, my beautiful tractor. These attachments I’m feeling towards machines are starting to get weird, and think Bob agrees, best I can determine from his vacant stare that is.

Say hello Bob, as you drive The Beast.

The racing fun was short lived and coming up with other challenges is proving difficult. Something that does come to mind as I consider a challenge however is the inability to purchase and raise sheep, chickens, pigs and other farm yard animals. Cows are something at least but I could have done with more variety with livestock but I guess the supermarket can only stocks so many things and the cows take up a fair amount of space on the shop floor. Anyway, I’m sure you want to hear about this challenge that sparked such a though, cow tipping…

Of course this exceedingly good idea was hindered somewhat by there being no entry gate to the cattle field, and try as I might getting The Beast inside was an issue. It got stuck numerous times on the fence, balancing precariously on top. Eventually I did it though, with perseverance and a combine harvester right up the tail pipe I did it, of course getting back out – as I’m sure you can imagine – was a different issue all together.

I might be stuck.

There we go. That did it.

Now the tipping can begin. I raced around at 50 MPH and prepared by first run at Pia, or perhaps it was Zenzi, it’s difficult to tell now they’re both the same colour.

Yeah you’d better run!

What I didn’t expect was the super strength from my target, as I hit her at 50 MPH and she didn’t move an inch but I ended up in the air. It was awesome! I kept doing it for a while just to see how high I could get. Eventually I tired of the challenge but it sure did pass some hours. Unfortunately I now had two vehicles stuck on the fence and even if I brought another over to dislodge them, at best I’d get one back; so a fun challenge but an expensive one too.

Fucking hell this is awesome!

With some sadness I’ve reached the end of my time on the farm, so with two vehicles stuck on fences, two cows badly bruised, hired help begging for money, a tractor at the bottom of a lake and an immortal scarecrow haunting the fields, I return the farm back to its original, now rather pissed off owners. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry but alas I wept as I shook the hand of the farmer. He didn’t shed a tear and told me, in no uncertain terms, to go home, though his actual words were more…colourful. I’ll miss you Pia, Zenzi, Bob and The Beast, the scarecrow, not so much.

One Response to “A Farmers Life for Me Episode 4”
  1. avatar Jurassic Prinny says:

    Colour-changing super-bovines? Sounds like a nasty case of alien experimentation.

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